Independent Living

Wei Liew, Malaysia

Bread, milk, eggs…the cashier at Sainsbury´s smiled as she greeted me with a cheery "good morning" as she scanned my grocery items. "That´ll be six pounds please, love", I fumbled through the abundance of cards in my wallet before managing to get hold of my credit card. Just before the automatic sliding doors made way for me, I caught my reflection in the glass. The reflected scene of a girl laden with groceries early in the morning carried a tinge of irony with it. This now all-too-familiar scene could not have been more removed from my life 2 years ago.

I started life in the capital city of Malaysia and grew up along with my developing country. The transition from an agricultural economy to an industrial nation has seen major technological changes providing us with the ease and comfort of modern technology. Like any other teenager I was likewise plagued with teen hormone problems. Aside from all that, I lived in my own realm. Everything back home belonged in me, the places I hang out, the ever changing road systems, family and friends. It was a comfortable existence. But after 20 years, it was inevitable that one would desire a change. Thus, I left the comforts of home and went on to explore life in the United Kingdom.

Coming from a multicultural country, I have had enough personal experiences to prepare me for any differences in culture that I might face (that´s taking into account the power of the media). However I had vastly underestimated the diversity of English mentality as compared to the gap between different Asian values. Back home, I lived a sheltered existence. Since I was young, everything has been prepared and provided for. Living expenditure and education fees are all worries for parents. All we had to do was to concentrate on our studies. The freedom given and independence achieved by the friends I´ve met here are the price I paid for the vastly different upbringing that I´ve experienced.

I was first hit by the number of services specially provided for students when I went hunting for a suitable bank to open my account. Although I had a personal account back home, it was just theoretical really, as my mother actually handles my finances. All I had to worry about then was how to manage the paltry sum of pocket money each month. Being a first- timer, I read brochures and talked to student advisors before making my decision. It was just amazing, for a person who never even owned an ATM card before. It was like playing a game of make believe. Together with my debit, solo cards, came cheque books, credit cards (with no monthly interest rates) and an overdraft facility. Everything was just so overwhelming. During the first month, I still relied completely on cash, it took me awhile to adapt to the cashless society. My credit card was left uninitiated during the length of time it took me to realize that there was no catch to the interest free provision. Well, not technically anyway. Because, quoting Uncle Ben from Spiderman `With great power comes great responsibility´, given the ability to wield such control over the money minus supervision the tendency to overspend is inescapable. Here I learnt to strike a balance between wants and needs. The call of Sheffield´s night life, shopping and traveling were to wait in line behind necessities such as proper food and books, rent and bills. The value of money is a powerful lesson, the dependency on my parents to settle any extra expenses has stopped since I´ve experienced what it´s like being in their shoes, receiving monthly bills and bank statements which just about make up most of what I receive in the mail (nice to know someone cares, huh)

Living with friends is a tricky test of patience and tolerance. It is then that you realize just how much of home you´ve brought with you. Preferences, quirks, particulars that you´ve never noticed before slowly surface as part and parcel of your character. How many times have I checked myself for doing exactly the same thing I used to find so irksome when my mum does it. Back home, grandma would scream for the mess in my room to disappear and when that didn´t happen, would just pick up after me. Now, I find myself lining my room cupboards with clean white sheets just like she used to, even peel off the ends of the vegetables that I cook (which I hated to do when I had to help out in the kitchen). Ironic isn´t it, habits picked up unknowingly. With all the different way of doing things, living together is never easy. The trick is everytime something gets to you, just remember how many steps others have taken back to accommodate you.

The sudden freedom of a life miles away from home and the lure of new surroundings is intoxicating. The first few weeks would be spent just letting go of all the pent up frustrations and desires. After all there´s no pressure and judgment from strangers in a new town. However, the funny thing is how we never lose sight of our goal. Eventually, with the help of a little conscience we all settle down even without the constant nagging presence of our parents and extended family. It takes a while but our priorities never stray far. Actually, studying by choice is far more effective than studying because you´re forced to. Although studying will hardly reach the enjoyable stage, the sense of achievement you get when you know you´ve done your best is totally satisfying.

University life in Sheffield has been a stepping stone to a life of my own. It is difficult now to imagine going back home leaving everything I´ve established here: my own bank account, phoneline, home. I would be starting all over again when I get back, keeping the lessons I´ve learnt here as guidelines. It is strange how society has a way of working out in the end.

Wei Liew, Malaysia